Family time · 2026-04-16

Who looks after the grown-ups today?

Parenting is hard work. Discover why taking care of your own emotional well-being on tough days is essential for supporting your child's development.

Parenting young children is a marathon of love, but it is also undeniably hard work. Some days flow effortlessly with giggles and easy cooperation. Then there are the other days: a spilled cup of milk on a freshly cleaned floor, a sudden refusal to wear shoes ten minutes after you were supposed to leave the house, and endless, exhausting negotiations over the colour of a bowl. In these highly charged moments, our instinct is to pour every ounce of our energy into soothing the child or fixing the problem. Yet, in doing so, we frequently overlook the very person who anchors the emotional climate of the home — you.

Why Self-Care Is Not Selfish

When faced with the relentless demands of a difficult parenting day, our brain's stress response system goes into overdrive. The Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University emphasises that building resilience in children requires supportive adult relationships, but it crucially notes that adults also need robust support systems and self-care to provide that responsive environment ¹.

We have all heard the familiar safety instruction on airplanes: "Secure your own oxygen mask before assisting others." This is a perfect metaphor for the emotional labour of parenting. If your emotional cup is entirely empty, you simply have nothing left to pour into your child. When we try to push through sheer exhaustion, our bodies maintain high levels of stress hormones like cortisol, which makes us highly reactive to typical childhood behaviours. Therefore, finding ways to calm your own nervous system is not a selfish luxury; it is a biological necessity for effective and compassionate parenting.

Embracing the 'Good Enough' Parent

Decades ago, the British paediatrician and psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott introduced a profoundly comforting concept: the "good enough" parent ². He observed through his work that children do not require flawless caregivers. In fact, a parent who perfectly anticipates and meets every single need would actually deprive the child of the opportunity to experience minor frustrations, which are essential for developing psychological resilience and adaptability.

On the days when you feel entirely depleted, give yourself permission to lower the bar. Dinner does not always have to be a beautifully balanced, home-cooked meal; a simple sandwich or scrambled eggs on toast is perfectly acceptable. The blocks scattered across the living room rug can stay there until tomorrow. The flawless, ever-patient parent is a myth. By accepting your own limits and occasionally letting things slide, you are modelling a healthy, realistic approach to life for your child.

Finding Micro-Moments of Calm

For parents of children aged three to eight, the idea of "self-care" can sometimes feel like a frustrating joke. Taking a weekend retreat or spending a whole afternoon at a spa is rarely realistic. Instead, the key is to look for micro-moments of calm that can be woven into the fabric of your daily routine.

Self-care in this season of life might mean doing three deep belly breaths while standing by the kitchen window. It could be making a cup of tea and insisting on drinking it while it is still warm. If your child is in a relentless "why" phase and your patience is wearing thin, it is perfectly fine to set a gentle boundary. You might say, "That is a brilliant question about where the rain goes. Why don't you ask Sparkie about it, or look at your weather picture book, while I sit quietly and rest my brain for five minutes?" This gives you a brief, necessary pause while encouraging your child to explore their curiosity independently.

Things to Try at Home This Week

• Model the 'five-minute pause': When you feel your frustration rising, narrate your feelings to your child. Say calmly, "I am feeling a bit overwhelmed right now, so I am going to go to the kitchen for five minutes to take some deep breaths." This prevents you from snapping and gives your child a masterclass in healthy emotional regulation.
• Drop one chore on purpose: Choose one day this week to intentionally leave a non-essential chore undone. Leave the laundry in the basket or the toys on the floor, and use those reclaimed twenty minutes to listen to a favourite song, read a chapter of a book, or simply close your eyes.
• Reach out for support: If you are consistently feeling exhausted, highly anxious, or emotionally low, you do not have to carry it all alone. Mentioning how you feel to a paediatrician or a mental health professional is a wonderful, proactive step to take; they are there to offer practical, compassionate guidance.