Growing up · 2026-10-26

Who Gets the Long Branch First

When toddlers shout "Mine!" over a toy, they aren't being selfish. Discover why sharing is hard and how to teach turn-taking instead.

It is a familiar scene at almost every playground. Two pairs of small hands grab the exact same toy truck at the exact same moment. "Mine!" one shouts. A tug-of-war ensues. As adults, our instinct is usually to intervene immediately, gently but firmly instructing, "We have to share."

However, in the world of a young child, the concept of sharing is far more complex than we might realize.

The Perfect Branch in the Forest

In Switzerland, it is quite common for children to attend a Waldkindergarten (forest kindergarten). Regardless of whether it is sunny or raining, these children spend their mornings outdoors in the woods. Unlike a traditional classroom, the forest does not offer identical, manufactured toys for everyone. Sometimes, there is only one perfectly smooth, straight branch that makes the ideal walking stick. Sometimes, there is only one perfectly flat rock where a child wants to sit and eat their Znüni, the traditional Swiss mid-morning snack.

When two children inevitably want the same branch, educators often choose not to rush in immediately. They do not confiscate the stick or force one child to give it up right away. Instead, they step back and allow a safe space for this mild friction. It is precisely in these moments—negotiating over a stick, a rock, or a puddle—that children begin to forge their very first genuine social skills.

Why Not Sharing Isn't Selfishness

When young children refuse to share, it is easy to worry that they are acting selfishly. But developmental science tells a different story. The pioneering Swiss psychologist Jean Piaget observed that young children are naturally in a stage of "egocentrism." This does not mean they are greedy or inconsiderate; rather, their brains simply have not yet developed the cognitive ability to view the world from another person's perspective. To a two-year-old, if they want a toy, it feels like an absolute truth that the toy belongs to them right now.

Furthermore, genuine sharing requires a high degree of executive function. A child must be able to control their immediate impulses, regulate their emotions, and trust that if they hand an object over, they will eventually get it back. This requires a grasp of time that toddlers simply do not possess. To a very young child, being told to wait "just a minute" can feel indistinguishable from "never."

Moving From Sharing to Turn-Taking

Because the abstract idea of "sharing" can feel like a permanent loss to a toddler, early childhood experts often recommend focusing on "turn-taking" instead. Forced sharing teaches children that an adult might swoop in and take their joy away at any moment. Turn-taking, on the other hand, introduces predictability and fairness. It teaches the invaluable lesson that giving something up is only temporary.

Turn-taking is a rhythm that extends far beyond physical objects; it is also the foundation of communication and early friendships. For example, when children interact with a learning companion like Sparkie, they naturally practice this back-and-forth cadence—asking a question, waiting patiently to listen, and then taking their turn to speak again. Learning to pass the conversational baton is just as important as learning to pass a toy block.

Things to Try at Home This Week

• Change the vocabulary: Instead of telling your child they must "share," try using the language of turns. Say, "It is your sister's turn right now. When she is done, it will be your turn." This helps establish clear, reassuring boundaries.
• Make the wait visible: Since toddlers struggle with abstract time, use concrete tools. A small sand timer is excellent for this, or you can use a familiar song. "When I finish singing this song, it will be your turn to hold the red bucket."
• Model the joy of swapping: Show children what turn-taking looks like in everyday adult life. During a meal, you might say, "May I have a slice of your apple? Here, you can have a piece of my bread."
• Validate the difficulty: If your child becomes upset when their turn is over, gently acknowledge their feelings rather than rushing to fix them. "I know it is really hard to give the stick away when you were having so much fun. It is frustrating to wait." Children who feel understood are often more willing to cooperate the next time.